Finally, some good news. Damn, my family and I were starting to feel like we were having our asses handed to us but we got one in on the cancer. The lymph nodes on my left side came back negative for cancer. My surgeon says that they still believe the cancer cells are out and about in my body, but at least they haven’t set up shop anywhere just yet.
The cancer I have is estrogen and progesterone positive, which is good because it will respond to hormone therapy. Which means losing my ovaries is back on the table. Just when you think you have this whole thing figured out. Once I lose my ovaries my estrogen levels will decrease significantly but not entirely, so I’ll be put on a series of drugs that inhibit my body from absorbing any trace amounts. This will stop the cancer from feeding. The chemo will be the napalm that will run through my body searching out each and every cancer cell and annihilate them. Then I will be cancer free. I hope.
As for my spirits, they’re much better today. Yesterday I thought I had come through the worst of it and was planning my return to “normal” life and then we were kicked in the face. I felt like I had been handed my death sentence. However, the lovely thing about this life is that each new day is just that, a new day. I woke up this morning and looked at the faces of the beautiful people surrounding me and found a new strength. I will succeed in this. I will learn from it, and come out the other end healthier physically, emotionally and spiritually and I will do so with as much grace and courage as I can muster. I have also decided that I will need a sassy new wig and some bright lipstick to fight with a little “girl power”.
“Empty yourself out completely and do it gladly. With impish daring lower your expectations all the way down to zero. Surrender every remnant of hope you might be tempted to cling to. With a jaunty nonchalance, pretend you have nothing to lose. And then open an enormous welcome in your heart for the messy, unpredictable, (sometimes bitter- ) sweetness of life exactly as it is. Say yes to the beauty of ambiguity and paradox. Free yourself to accept every person and every situation on its own terms.” Anonymous, via my fabulous life coach and dear friend, Valeta Bruce.